Monday, October 26, 2009

Attack of the Killer Hungry-Woman

Ok. I’m starving.

I keep getting friendly advice to either (#1) keep busy(!) or (#2) just eat something already- neither or which seem like a viable option, so I’m blogging instead.

I’m trying this damned “GM Diet” which isn’t a real thing, mostly because it most certainly wasn’t developed by the top execs at General Motors, but it will enable me to lose a few pounds fast, which I’m entirely interested in. It touts itself (and by “it” I mean the description I found on some bogus website) as being one of those “cleansing” things, which I’m into I guess, but not into enough to drink lemonade, maple syrup and cayenne pepper.

But let’s be honest. It’s not really about that. It’s about the somewhere around 10 pounds I’ve gained in the last month thanks to a sweet Jewish boy and his family who call me a whack-job when I try to turn down a steak dinner.

While I’m cranky enough to say it- I KNOW that dieting isn’t a good way to “permanently lose weight” and that I’m probably mostly going to lose water weight and blah blah blah. I’m a 25 year old female born in the 21st century to a mother obsessed with weight and dieting, who is now smart enough on her own to have made it to her final year of law school. If one more person gives me some “advice” on weight loss I’ll find a way to jump through this computer and strangle them.

I eat healthy and I exercise pretty regularly. I’m just eating more regularly than ever before, and until my body figures out that I can have the metabolism of a normal person, I’m not interested in being one of those girls that makes you wonder why “low-rise” jeans were ever in style.

Instead of trying to lecture me on things I know to be true (this seems to be my general problem with all things unhealthy in my life- we rarely want to stop maybe because of rather then inspite of their unhealthiness?) why don’t we start to figure out why it’s this way. Why do we ever take the hard road even when we know the hard road is less than necessary? In fact, it’s usually worse for us in the long run. That’s the thing about that “often the hard choice is the right one” business- it’s usually only hard right this second. But NO DUH it may be hard to not see your abusive boyfriend anymore right now but it is probably better for your 13- year-old boy (not me- w/e, you get it).

And you know what I mean. The relationships we should end that just prolong pain, the jobs we hate, the phone call we don’t want to make….

Maybe instead of blaming others and ourselves in this situation, we should look at the alternative we’re seeing as so unbearable, and what brought us here.

But whatever (in regards to what brought us here), we basically can all boil down our relationship issues to some (usually male) member of our family, and our eating is all directly related to our mothers (mine is probably eating a Lean Cuisine or Skinny Cow as we speak). None of that really matters in moving ahead except in recognizing that they’re all these major life-forces that somehow have nothing to do with the people who love us today (even our parents! I mean *sure Tracie Robinett is happier when she thinks I look good, but only because in some twisted way something in her past made her think it’s a reflection on herself, but she still loves me the same way!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all do what gets us through the day. And we usually do it in spite of what we know would be the better option. But there are once and a while immediate forces that just make it feel like the better option. And I guess I’m ok with that as long as your tiny missteps don’t get in the way with the much larger, long- term goal. I fully intend to not pass whatever the hell this eating issue is to my daughter, and I intend to go back to eating just as regularly this weekend. I just feel like in the meantime it’s fine to eat just fruit today, and just vegetables tomorrow for the sake of looking good in whatever idiotic-too-short Halloween costume I decide to go with this weekend. Oh god. Don’t even get me started.